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ooh ahh just a lil' bit

tell me why..


Talk about exhausted. It's been just a slew of drama for this last week, making all the funeral arrangements, cleaning out her entire house and life, deciding who gets what, etc. I'm pretty much disgusted with how disrespectful both of my aunts have been. Mary and Julie see everything as dollar signs, nothing more. They want to sell her entire life for a few lousy hundred dollars. It sickens me. After this week of watching them really show their true colors, I've decided to be done. I was never horribly close with them anyway but this is it.

I'm thankful for everything that my Grandma did for us on a day to day basis, even though she knew, as did we, that she wasn't ever really sold on the idea of being a mother and grandmother. It's all rather bittersweet, knowing how much she cared for us in reading her old letters, journals and what she left as her will. I felt guilty taking things from her house, even though I knew they were left for me, per her request. We've all been going over the regrets and "what if", thinking if we had invited her over for 4th of July bbq she would still be alive and with us. I know she'd want us to let go of the guilt and she hated knowing people were worried about her. Hated having to ask for help. So instead of sadness, we had a day of telling stories, looking at pictures, trying to put all the anger aside for one day and focus on her life. We gathered at Elaine's house, got my great Aunt Audrey on speaker phone from Wisconsin so she could hear all of us tell our stories and say goodbye to grandma. We filled the house with pink roses (her favorite) and each went outside to release a balloon while saying our final goodbye. The idea of the balloons sounded tacky to all of us at first but it was actually quite lovely. After that we had a champagne toast (grandma loved her some bubbly!)

I think shock is a pretty deserving word to our reaction of what my grandma wanted us grandkids to have. Learning she left me the black corral necklace was a complete surprise, I was even more blown away when I found out she had set up trusts and an account for me, my sisters and brother. The amount means nothing to me and I'd give it all back to have her for even just another day, to just be with her and ask her all these questions about her life and history. How she met Grandpa, what it was like to travel the world, how she found the courage to move from Wisconsin to California completely by herself at the age of 23. Through some letters she had written and saved I learned she worked for the company that developed the a-bomb. Because everything was written in code, essentially, she had zero idea what it was that she was typing up in all the reports. She was absolutely smitten with a man named Frankie Bartone and promised her father that her heart and morals were still intact and always would be.

On that note, as of this week I am retiring my lovely lil' Honda Ivic. As part of my inheritance, I'm being given my grandma's 2000 Subaru Legacy, which is in perfect condition and very low miles since she didn't drive that much. It will be nice to have a car that has windows that will open, a spedometer that works and a door handle I don't have to dig my fingers into to get open. I am excited for the upgrade, yay!!

It's been a busy past few weeks and looks to be staying that way. On Wednesday I am taking off with the clan to drive to California for Tre's wedding! SO exited!! We leave Wednesday night and I'll be home late Sunday after. It's much needed and will be good to be able to share that moment with my closest friends except Angelo, sadly. :(

Soo much to do before then..
(Psst! Jenn! I promise after all this crazyness wears down we WILL have that hang out session/ baking fun. After the wedding, I have nothing huge planned for quite some time.)